Kingdom Hearts

Well, the eventful weekend was great.  I am going to spend the day recuperating.  I’m exhausted.  After spending Wednesday and Thursday in Longview, taking care of business and preparing for our move (renting storage, getting a post office box, opening bank account, etc), on Friday we went to Dallas to meet the family.  We stayed at a beautiful facility called Willowood Ranch in Bells, TX, which is right outside of Sherman.  You can see more pictures of the facility here. It is the perfect place for a weekend full of wedding events. There is a ranch house, where we stayed.  There is also a chapel and reception hall where the wedding and reception took place.  It was so much fun to spend the weekend out there with family and friends that I haven’t seen in so many years.  And then on Sunday we came back to Longview and spent all day Monday continuing to get things done in preparation for our move, which will be in about 2 short weeks from now.  I had forgotten how much work it is to move.  I am looking forward to getting all of this done.  We haven’t even started packing the house here in La Grange yet.

So that was our weekend in a nutshell.  It was extremely busy and hectic, but a lot of fun.  So, back to the main event of the weekend–Megan’s wedding.

Megan was stunning!  It was as beautiful and happy as I have ever seen my little sister.  And I am so proud of her and couldn’t be happier with her choice as a soul mate.  Matt is a great man who I know will love, cherish, and take care of Megan and I am looking forward to enjoying him as my brother-in-law.  It was a lot of fun (not to mention an honor) to get to officiate her wedding.

It was so good getting to spend the weekend with some friends of the family that I have not spent a lot of time with in recent years.  I had forgotten how much I missed them and enjoyed being around them, but at the same time was also reminded how awesome it will be to one day be reunited in Heaven with my loved ones.

Another thing that struck me through all of this was how happy Matt and Megan were.  They were absolutely “giddy,” almost to the point of being cheesy.  Even when doing their vows, Megan was so stoked she got tickled a couple of times, which really was great.  Of course, stumbling over one of the lines of the vows was classic Megan…and provided a great laugh for everyone.  Megan being Megan is part of what made the wedding so great and I think every one knew that at some point she would manage to put a “touch of Megan” on her wedding.  It really was great.  And I am glad she is who she is.

So looking at Matt and Megan and their happiness, I can’t help but wonder, “what happens to that?”  I mean, what is it about a marriage that causes that happiness and excitement and “giddyness” to fade away?  Is it time?  It is it the monotony of every day life?  Is it age?  Is it that we just begin at some point to take each other for granted?  I don’t know, really.   I suppose it can be a combination of all of these and more.  I remember how excited Cody and I were when we got married.  Sometimes we still enjoy that excitement, sometimes I think we get too caught up in the rigorous circumstances of life that we forget how blessed we are. 

My sister and her husband taught me something this weekend.  When I told them during the ceremony to remember how they feel right now and try to never lose it, I think I also presented a challenge to myself, and to everyone of us who were present and married.  When Paul discussed Christ’s relationship to the church in Ephesians 5, the effects of Jesus’ love for the church are continuous.  He continues to this day to love, cherish, and protect His church.  And hopefully the church continues to love and honor Him.  May it never stop!  And may the happiness and love in our marriages never cease.  May the desire to renew our commitments often to one another be steadfast.

So once again, I congratulate you Matt & Megan, and I thank you for your realness, love for eachother, and example set forth.  Keep on doing it! Don’t change a thing

I love you both!

According to a poll that came out about 4 years ago (I wish I still had the source—sorry), here are the top 10 complaints by women regarding their husbands:

1. Often selfish and inconsiderate
2. Unsuccessful in business–not bringing in enough money
3. Not always honest
4. Complains too much (focuses more on what is negative)
5. Only showing affection/romance when he wants sex
6. Lack of communication and sharing how he feels
7. Too harsh on the children
8. Overly-sensitive (too thin-skinned)
9. Lack of quality time spent with the children
10. Not doing things to help out around the house (bills, cleaning, cooking, etc)

Here are some things to consider in marriage. Sometimes it is what seems like the “little things” that add up to the big things and make a marriage happy. God has blessed me with almost 12 years of marriage to Cody and as I anticipate the privilege of growing old with her I pray that I will always remember these “little things:”

• We are never too old to hold hands with our spouses
• Remember to say “I love you” to your spouse at least once every day
• Compliment your spouse each day. Make sure they know they are valued and important to you.
• Stay romantic
• Try not to go to sleep angry at your spouse
• Believe the best. Live in the appreciation room rather than the depreciation room
• Always stand together with your spouse to face the world as a team
• Express gratitude to your spouse
• Never go too long without doing a thoughtful deed or act of kindness for your spouse
• Develop the capacity to forgive and forget
• Live by encouragement rather than by expectations that are too high. Allow your spouse to be human and provide an atmosphere for growth
• Always remember the positive qualities that made you fall in love with your spouse
• Remember that it is not only about marrying the right partner, but it is also about BEING the right partner
• Thank God every day for blessing you with your spouse

I have always admired so much the “older couples” that I have known throughout my life who have set such great examples of what happy marriages mean. I hope my wife and I can do the same for others as we get older.

Have a great weekend!

Don’t we all! I certainly do. I came across a blogsite the other day that I am truly excited about. And I definitely wanted to take the opportunity to recommend it to all husbands out there. The website is called iamhusband.com. Here is a link to it. The site is designed to address the reality that as husbands we fail sometimes. We lose our romance, our desire to be better, our motivation, and our sensitivity. And often times we don’t even know why. We get wrapped up in our routines, we often forget what we are supposed to do, and we say things that hurt the feelings of the one we love more than anything in this world. We can be self-absorbed. And all of this leaves us with the feeling of being torn. We love our wives so much but often times we lack the abilty to express it. Sometimes we need help. And that is what this blog author has set out to do. He provides a forum for discussion after each of his articles. And he hits on the real life issues in marriage. It is great stuff. It appears that he has had this open for about a year now. I wish I had known about it sooner. I have no idea who it is that is actually doing this blog as he has left his name anonymous. All we know is that he is a husband who loves his wife very much and wants to help other husbands out there improve their marriages too. What a great idea! At the very least, go check it out for yourself and see what you think.

Something else that he addresses quite a bit is the issue of sex and how this is often a topic of struggle for married couples. He actually has a lot to say and recommend with regard to masterbation and pornography. Here is a great article from this blogsite with excellent insight written about pornography. If you want to watch a DVD that is very resourceful with people sharing their stories about pornography addiction, go to this website to order one. This DVD is also designed to help us as dads teach our children about these things and hopefully prevent it. As the website states, “in Christ and through Christ, there is freedom from the crushing grip of porn.”

Also, a good book that is recommended for married men who struggle with pornography and masterbation can be found right here. It is called Sex, Men, and God by Douglas Weiss, Ph.D. I have not read it yet but intend to do so soon. I honestly cannot tell you how many people have come to my office (both those in my congregation as well as those outside) and have expressed their need for breaking their pornography addiction. To see a grown man in tears because he wants to be free from this demon but can’t seem to get away from it is indeed heart wrenching. So I am going to add it to my loooooong list of books to read. It is a helpful tool for learning why some men have the sexual addictions they do. Dr. Weiss not only helps us understand the underlying problems with this addiction but also provides some practical guidelines for (1) breaking the vicious cycles involved and (2) helping others to do so. In addition, there is guidance in enjoying sexual freedom in your marriage.

In any event, I hope some of you find this information helpful in some way. Please pass it on. Unfortunately this is a problem that is ubiquitous. Some statistics have indicated that over 60% of MARRIED MEN struggle with these things. Many believe the numbers are actually higher.

In Lion’s Club today, an officer from the Attorney General’s office spoke to us about “cyber crimes.” It is amazing how much opportunity for crimes is actually generated by access to the internet. Obviously one of the most talked about is sexual predators, which then led to a discussion of porn sites and how truly addictive they are. It is also amazing how many people (mostly men) are actually in recovery programs for sex addictions, which are being fed through the internet.

It is especially scary because we can’t deny, nor can we afford to ignore the sinful nature of this beast(Matthew 5:28). However, unfortunately it is not as simple as just telling people to “stop doing it.” People really do need help. In fact, it is likely that there are several reading this right now who are affected by it, if not directly, at least indirectly. This begs the question; how do we deal with it? How do you help people stop this tragedy, that is killing people spiritually, relationships, and marriages? Statistics say that up to 1/2 of confessed Christian men struggle with this. Wow! Here is another statistic: 90% of children between 8 and 16 years have viewed pornographic websites. On average 11 years is the age of one’s first time. I wonder how many among this percentage of our youth are actually struggling with it? Every day, a marriage is destroyed because of men viewing internet porn. Not helping matters is that the porn industry is now up to 4.2 million sites. Ouch! And to think how many children have unlimited access to the internet!

I thought it was a fascinating coincidence that our speaker at Lion’s Club happened to address this today, considering that recently I have been viewing a couple of other blogsites that happen to be discussing this very issue. Trey Morgan discussed this a couple of months back in his blog. Here is the particular post to which I refer. Here is another post of Trey’s on the subject. Trey has done a lot of work and writing on issues surrounding marriages and family. I appreciate what he does and encourage you to regularly look at the things he is willing put out there. Another blogger has recently brought this to the forefront as well.

Here are some more sites some might find useful concerning this delicate but crucial subject.

Pure Online
Pure Intimacy Online
Porn Addiction Recovery and Support
Porn-Free.org